Picnic
by Serenetwinkle
Summary: Oh the things Doumeki thinks up sometimes.


I give you crack and quasi-fluff to lighten the atmosphere.

Enjoy!

Picnic

The thought occurred to him, as some of his best thoughts did, while he watched Watanuki.

Said boy was currently setting out a picnic lunch in fastidious order upon a light blue tablecloth. The skinny youth rearranged plates, glasses, dishes of food, and utensils over and over on the park table, leaning back every so often to better see how it looked.

Doumeki doubted all the attention to detail was for his benefit. The person all the effort was being exerted for had yet to arrive, however, so at the moment it was only Watanuki and himself.

It had been Himawari's idea to begin with. Sort of. Maybe. The archer hadn't really been paying attention at the time (who could when Watanuki had decided to make a dessert that day and was gracious enough to look the other way while Doumeki stole some for himself), but he remembered their conversation had taken a turn to how nice the weather had been lately. Something, something, melt-in-your-mouth goodness, something else and bam.

They were planning a picnic.

Doumeki really didn't have any cause for complaint. He had been invited along (if you could call it that) by the ever helpful Himawari's cheerful assumption that the picnic would include all of them.

The face-plant Watanuki had performed received a 9.3 overall. The landing was nailed, but frankly, the form was a little off. He'd seen better.

So now, as Watanuki adjusted the position of a plate full of finger foods for the tenth or eleventh time, tilting his head this way and that, Doumeki couldn't keep the idea from forming in his brain.

If Watanuki knew what he was thinking, there would be hell to pay. Most likely in the form of temporary tinnitus and a good shaking.

So, naturally…

"You know, something occurred to me."

"Oh?" The weather must have been working some sort of magical calming spell on the shorter boy. Not even annoyance at Doumeki's voice had seeped in. Yet.

"You would make a great mother."

There was a pause. Even air around them seemed to still itself. Watanuki's hands had stopped mid-correction and hovered above a small bowl of pickled ginger for a moment. Suddenly the boy whirled around, a glower beginning to form on his face.

"I hope you didn't just say what I think you did."

Doumeki blinked innocently. "That you would make a great mother?"

A flush crept up the slender neck of the teen in front of him as his blue, blue eyes shot sparks in the archer's direction.

"Take that back!"

Drawing his eyebrows together in apparent confusion, the taller boy stood and moved past the enraged boy to grab at the closest thing available. "Why? It was a compliment."

A hand reached out to slap his grasping finger away from the food.

Damn, foiled.

"I'm a guy! That was _not_ a compliment! And don't touch the food, you mooch, wait for Himawari-chan."

Doumeki rubbed his hand in exaggerated pain while walking back to his previous seat beneath a nearby tree. "So? You could still be a mother." He plopped down on the warm grassy spot he had previously vacated and stretched his legs out.

"No, no I couldn't. Stop saying that! If I had a kid I would be the _father_. Because," here Watanuki slowed his words, as if talking to someone with a slight mental handicap. "I. Am. A. Guy. Obviously the girl would be the mother." He waved his hand in dismissal and went back to the table with mutters of idiot and dumbass on his lips.

"But what if there wasn't a girl?" The archer leaned back against the rough bark of the tree and crossed his arms behind his head, the perfect picture of nonchalance.

Again turning to face him, Watanuki glared a look that clearly said, 'What are you, stupid?'

"Of course there's a girl. How else would I have a kid?"

"You could adopt." Perfect innocence.

"But I'd still be the father." There was slight exasperation in the smaller boy's voice now, as if he couldn't quite believe just how thick Doumeki was.

"But, if there were two guys, you couldn't both have the father role." Perfect. Innocence.

"Wh-what?!" Shock didn't begin to describe the look on the other boy's face.

"Say, for instance, you and I were to adopt a child in the future." Golden eyes strayed up to the sky, appearing to contemplate this possibility with much thought.

"That would never-" But Watanuki was cut off before he could deny his involvement as vehemently as he would have liked.

"Obviously one of us would have to take to the role of father while the other would be a more motherly figure." A slight nod, as though agreeing with himself.

"Are you on drugs or something?!" Disbelief and incredulity were now mingled with the words, but Doumeki ignored the (rather uncalled for) question.

"You like to cook and clean right?" He looked back down to his friend. Watanuki's eyes seemed rather larger than normal for some reason.

"What does that-"

"And you like kids right?" Confusion was predominant now in the other boy.

"Well yeah, but-"

"I can't cook that well and I only clean when I have to. I like kids well enough, but you're much nicer to them. So…" Doumeki threw a satisfied smirk at the agitated boy in front of him. "You're the mother. I'm the father. But like I said, you'd be good at it."

It took nearly a full minute of staring and gaping for Watanuki to finally come back to his senses enough to form a response.

"You…" the finger pointed at him shook with what Doumeki could only assume was barely controlled homicidal inclination. "There's something going on in that head of yours. I don't want to know what it is. Ever. And if you say one more thing before Himawari gets here, I swear I'll dump that entire thermos of soup over your head."

Doumeki's eyes flickered to the table and the aforementioned thermos briefly in consideration before settling back on Watanuki's face. He said nothing. Good soup shouldn't be wasted after all.

A movement off in the distance caught his gaze and he flashed a tiny half smile to the shorter boy as he stood up and walked past the table.

"I think I'll ask Kunogi what she thinks. But I'm pretty sure she'll agree with me."

"Agree with what Doumeki-kun?"

Horror warred with irritation and pleading in a strange combination on Watanuki's face. It was rather entertaining to watch.

"I was just telling him what good mother he would make." Oh yes, he was going to be paying for this for a long time to come.

"Why, of course you would Watanuki-kun!"

"Ah! Himawari-chan…"

9.6

He'd still seen better, but it was always worth watching.

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Thanks for reading!


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